sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
