When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
