I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
