My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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