So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
