What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
