I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
