His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
