the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
