there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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