A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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