need another drink. this is the easiest way
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
