I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
