How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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