i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
third nipple confirmed
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
