I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
