just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
