If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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