Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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