batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
