so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
