I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize