All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
