i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
