So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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