I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
