Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
