thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
