This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize