i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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