I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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