she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
