There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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