Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
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bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
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Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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