I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Success! We fucked roommates!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
