we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize