Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
