Texts From Last Night

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  (916): View more from California

  It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.

  (1-916): View more from California

  That's why you should quit smoking.

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  (916): It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here. (1-916): That's why you should quit smoking. http://tfl.nu/xt8p
  Replies (3) Good night (635) Bad night (2102)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.

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  (401): Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends. http://tfl.nu/34is
  Replies (28) Good night (591) Bad night (3952)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...

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  (484): Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age... http://tfl.nu/y336
  Replies (63) Good night (3731) Bad night (2676)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.

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  (416): Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY. http://tfl.nu/81vu
  Replies (22) Good night (1143) Bad night (3415)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke

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  (248): Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke http://tfl.nu/ag71
  Replies (25) Good night (1008) Bad night (7573)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.

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  (724): I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet. http://tfl.nu/hq1s
  Replies (19) Good night (6382) Bad night (918)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.

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  (303): I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete. http://tfl.nu/q4l5
  Replies (19) Good night (4743) Bad night (1235)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.

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  (253): Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me. http://tfl.nu/6zni
  Replies (28) Good night (1933) Bad night (5538)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it

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  (330): beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it http://tfl.nu/hhxp
  Replies (5) Good night (3049) Bad night (1197)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.

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  (715): That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile. http://tfl.nu/lpc5
  Replies (8) Good night (1850) Bad night (1020)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job

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  (615): What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job http://tfl.nu/r059
  Replies (8) Good night (1383) Bad night (707)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.

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  (304): Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low. http://tfl.nu/whd6
  Replies (6) Good night (866) Bad night (733)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Stop whining I left you with whiskey

  (224): View more from Illinois

  YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.

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  (224): Stop whining I left you with whiskey (1-224): YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE. http://tfl.nu/439l
  Replies (6) Good night (2192) Bad night (808)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that

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  (210): And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that http://tfl.nu/fyxx
  Replies (6) Good night (836) Bad night (517)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.

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  (708): we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now. http://tfl.nu/89m6
  Replies (5) Good night (2794) Bad night (529)

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