the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?