my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.