I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
