bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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