My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize