do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
