connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
this just has baby written all over it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
