It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
