I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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