The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
