the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize