Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
