Swine flu. Run for my life!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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