Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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