I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize