so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
