omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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