I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
