im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
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Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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