Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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