when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
