i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I wish you could order shots online.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
