he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
