Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
