They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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