You smell like a Billy Joel song
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
