What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
