Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
