unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
