I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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