I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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