nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
