i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
