shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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