she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I enjoy the company of your penis
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