I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
